My ex-boyfriend broke my heart when he left over 3 years ago and I can't seem to let go. He didn't give me what I needed emotionally, although I was intensely in love with him. He was often cold, stubborn and withholding of love. I was so frustrated and unsatisfied. It took him a year to tell me he loved me and he never gave me reasons why. I had friends who gave me more support and appreciation in one conversation than in our whole relationship.

At first it was shyness, an uncomfortable-ness with his feelings and then it seemed more purposeful, sadistic, arrogant but I struggled to rationalise this with his sweet facade. It made me constantly think, 'Is it me?' He was so beautiful in my mind but gave nothing, he rarely wanted to talk about anything of importance. Of course, I have no closure, he never explained why the relationship was over. I'm not sure he ever really loved me but this is hard to stomach. He was like an addiction.

The conversations got less and less, despite the assumption that we'd remain friends. He'd talk to me for only 10 mins every 3 or 4 weeks. But over the last couple of years, I cannot get hold of him at all. He is ignoring me. It hurts like hell. I hear he has a new girlfriend who is possessive and jealous. She may be the reason he cannot get in touch but another part of me says 'he doesn't give a damn about you and never did.'

I wish I could forget, I need to find a new romance, someone who truly sees me for myself. I wish I could hate him and call him various obscenities but he didn't actually do what you'd expect to warrant that, he just killed me with his silence and lack of affection. It seems this is something that men often do to encourage women to finish with them, so they apparently don't have to hurt your feelings but the not-knowing is even more upsetting.

It makes me feel lost, unlovable, unwanted. When he left, it told me I was nothing, the one person in the world I wanted to acknowledge my existence. This is confusing when friends seemingly hold me in such high esteem. Why didn't he appreciate me? Too young perhaps, wrong time meeting, incompatibility etc but I can't seem to make sense of any of it whatsoever. My first proper broken heart, now an unrequited love. I feel like Miss Haversham from Great Expectations. Unless he comes back and admits he was a fool or someone else restores my faith in love, I feel this will haunt me forever. What's the point of life, without love?

Unfortunatly, I am not going out enough to meet someone new. I feel unattractive. When I'm with my best friend, things are easier, he makes life bearable, having his company is a Godsend, someone who I know has unconditional love for me. He knows all my negative traits but never leaves, his appreciation for my friendship never depletes. Shame there are no romantic feelings there anymore.

You know that phrase, "Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?" Am now thinking that maybe the opposite is true.

"A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain It is to love,
but love in vain."